Saturday, December 16, 2006

Just so everybody knows I'm no longer employed as I've walked away from my job. I tried it... was happy with the money but for whatever reason I felt uneasy and nervous. Now that feeling is normal and completely understandable when you first start a job. But, when it increases in intensity with each and every day that passes something is wrong.

Even on the weekends I couldn't calm down. I'd clock watch every minute of the day and count, to the second, how long I had till I had to go back to work... and When I was at this Job I'd count every second till I got to leave. This led to less sleep, less eating, and worst of all I could feel myself start to go to a very dark place again. I couldn't work there any longer and be healthy.

I've played it over a million times in my head that I can...."just go to work and collect a paycheck", "It's just a job it doesn't rule over me" , "I need the money cause I've got no financial options if I leave", blah, blah, blah........ But, this particular Job, for whatever reason, was creating a response from me that has made me stop wanting to talk to friends, going out on the weekend, writing here on my blog, and worst of all I was avoiding talking to my family, and if I did, I simply lied to them about what was going on. When I did talk to anyone I had the same answers 'Job is fine', 'It's a lot to learn', 'can't go out tonight I'm busy'.... and those were again, just lies.

I did the job fine, very well in fact, but it was making me sick (Meaning Depressed for those who don't know). I don't ever want to be sick like that again. Now this is obviously a simplified 'Readers Digest' version of what's going on with me right now, but so many of you are emailing and asking me how the job is going, I just felt it would be easier to put it here as it's mostly good friends and family who read this anyhow. So If I haven't got back to you with an email or a phone call lately, this is why... but don't be put off, please stay in touch as I won't hide from you ever again. As for what I will do right now? I'm not really sure, but I do know while I may be scared and upset about my situation, and I've worried many people with this decision, I do know that I've done the right thing for myself.

Thank you.



Cousin Chris said...

Thanks for sharing that Gregg. It does sound like the right decision and no one will think less of you for making it. Your health is the first priority. I don't mean this to sound so cliché but there will always be other opportunities.

Trish Fox said...

Gregg, I am so proud of you for living in the present, for being conscious about your feelings, and for taking action. You are doing everything right. Infact, if you look at life as a school and its lessons to be learned, (as I do)then you must pat yourself on the back and move on to the next test. You are loved. -- Trish Fox

Anonymous said...

Contact elvis paul, seriously.
He can get application forms
for his work with Transit.
Lousy hours but stress-free.
- s

Anonymous said...

Gregg I have tried to e mail you twice and my server bounced it back, do you have a new e mail address? You know I love you and this will all work out in the end, lets chat over X'mas, send my your contact #

Anonymous said...

Gregg, just so you know my e mail server is down, I've written you three e mails and have had them all bounced back, I am leaving HOuston today and will try to call you this weekend, Amanda