Sunday, July 09, 2006
Bored and a little annoyed with my life,,,,,
I am sick of my apartment. I am sick of not having anything to do. I am sick of having nowhere to go. Now trust me when I say I am REALLY trying to get into a routine by going to the gym, and taking a walk a couple of times a day (But have you seen my neighborhood? Not exactly a walk through Yellowstone Park is it??).
In between walks and Gym visits, I feel like a contestant on the TV show Survivor with extremely long sessions of nothing to do in between challenges. Most of my friends are married and very busy with their lives during the summer, and that's fair, and I completely understand that. But it leaves me to my own devices, and while I've always been extremely independent it's really become far too much of a good thing. Honest to god it's times like this when I wish I wish I had a roommate again!
I know I'm to blame for most of this. I should be coming up with new hobbies and things to do (Why do you think I started a Blog?), but for some reason when I try and think of something new to do I just go blank. I don't have any money at this point in my life to do much. I don't turn on the TV anymore until well into the evening because there is simply nothing worth watching during the day, and since it's summer not much more on at night. I guess what I'm trying to say is... I've hit a rut. A BIG time rut, and it's starting to really become an annoyance.
I know all I have to do is get a job, and I will, hopefully very soon (I will get one right?). But this rut, or more correctly all this free time, is really starting to get to me. If I were wealthy I would travel the world, end of problem. But sadly, that is sooo not an option for me.
One bright spot however.... I get to go to Issaquah Washington with my Brother Jim's family this weekend. Really looking forward to seeing the kids! Last week my brothers wife Tanja told my nephew Ben about the trip to Washington State and that it was fun for kids and grown ups. Right away Ben asked Tanja , "Is it fun for uncles, too? Can Gregg come?" What a great kid! Love him, and all my nieces and nephews, to death.
Wow, how whiny and self absorbed was that post? Well, I'm allowed, it's my blog. I also worry when I get down if I'm having some sort of recurrence of my clinical depression. But then I realise that being healthy means I'm going to feel a full range of emotions including feeling down sometimes. Everyone feels that way every now and then, and it doesn't mean my sickness is coming back. So when I think of it that way, it kind of makes me happy, and relieved, knowing I'm just feeling normal human emotion, and I don't have to worry I won't feel happy ever again. Trust me, clinical depression isn't a normal human emotion, it's the blackest pit you can ever crawl into. That crap is behind me... onwards and upwards from here on in. No more being bored and feeling down about where my life is. But also, no more panicking that I'm back in the throes of depression when I do have a down day like I WAS having before I wrote this.